Blogpost courtesy of Dumpling:
1. An Eat Bulaga contestant was asked by Joey and Vic: “Ano sa Tagalog ang grasshopper?” Contestant: “Ahmm. . .Huling Hapunan?”
2. It was an ex-PBB housemate (1st batch) who said this: “Big Brother, ginagawa po nila ako laughing stuff…”
3. In Wowowee, the question was: “Kung ang ’sigaw’ ay ’shout’ sa Inggles, ano naman sa Tagalog ang ‘whisper’?” The contestant answered: “Napkin!”
4. While watchng the news yesterday about a kid killed by a bulldozer, our maid commented: “Kaya ayoko mag-alaga ng aso eh…”
5. My friend and I were walking up the stairs of our schools new building. She said out of nowhere: “Imagine mo kung di ginawa ‘tong building, umaakyat tayo sa hangin?”
6. My cousin at a DRIVE-THRU: “Miss, puwedeng take out?”
7. Nadia Montenegro promoting her movie: “Please watch ‘The Life Story of Julie Vega’, opening na po on the twenty-twoth of November.”
8. In a burger joint I heard a man say: “Miss, isa ngang ‘amusing’ aloha at saka ‘kidney’ meal.” Server: “Dine in po ba or to go?” The man answered: “Ayoko ng sago!”
9. I was making cookies at home when I ran out of cookie sheets, so I called our maid and said: “Manang bili ka nga ng cookie sheet.” And she replied: “Ano po, solo o litro?” (coke is it)
10. My friend said: “Ang galing ‘no, yung Ash Wednesday last year , Miyerkules din pumatak!”
11. A non-Christian vendor selling a Last Supper painting: “Ma’am bili po kayo ng frame, maganda po ito, ‘Hesus and Company.”
12. While watching “Apollo 13?, after she heard the line: “Houston, we have a problem.” My ex-girlfriend asked: “Sino si Houston?”
13. My aunt was going to the US for the 1st time. She told us: “Nagpapabili ang tita niyo ng ‘autistic’ guitar. Saan ba nakakabili nun?”
14. We were marketing for an org event, when one of my orgmates wanted to clear the definition of the types of sponsors (Major, Minor, Patron, etc.) So she asked her grandma: “Lola, anong mas mataas sa Patron?” Her lola replied: “Patron? Eh di Shell!”
15. Also in a gameshow. Host: “Ano sa Tagalog ang ‘teeth’?” Contestant: “Utong!”
16. I once heard an emcee say: “Let’s give her a warm of applause!”
17. One classmate in highschool said, “Ang cute naman ng sintas mo, luminou!” I corrected him and said, “luminous!” Then he replied, “Oo nga pala, plural!”
18. Barker ng bus: Ah Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao, Cubao!!!” Pasahero: “Boss, Cubao?”
19. Sa isang gameshow, tinanong ng host: “Anong ‘P’ ang Tagalog ng ’storey’ o ‘floor’ ng building?” Contestant: “PIP PLOR!”
20. An officemate of ours told us a story about driving alone in her car: “Alam niyo, pag nag-iisa ako, feeling ko…wala akong kasama…”
21. I had a customer on the line who had a password on his account. I asked for the password but he forgot. I gave him a clue: “It’s a 4-digit number.” He answered, “Uhm…’ROCKY’?”
22. I overheard a lady place an order at Starbucks: “One cup of chino please.”
23. An officemate once asked: “Saan sa Quezon City ang Mandaluyong?”
24. I had a meeting with a friend and I noticed that both of us were wearing stripes. He suddenly blurted out: “Uy, stripes din! It’s the color of the day!”
25. My sister said of our neighbor who was our arch enemy: “Mamatay na sana kapitbahay natin!” I told her not to say that, coz it might bounce back to us. Then she said, “Ah ganun ba yun? In that case, mamatay na sana tayo!”
26. When I saw that I got a missed call, I said, “Hey, I got a missed call!” My friend said, “Anong sabi?”
27. From the gameshow “The Weakest Link”. Host Edu Manzano asked: “Anong ‘T’ ang ibinibigay ng konduktor pag nagbayad ka ng pamasahe sa bus?” Ian Veneracion answered: “TUKLI!”
28. We were reviewing for an exam and we were already dead tired. A classmate said, “Hala, brownout!” Pagtingin namin, nakapikit pala siya.
29. A call center agent told a foreign customer regarding the changing of the due date of her credit card: “Ma’am, I already changed your monthly period.”
30. A home economics teacher asked us: “How do you make wet floor and tow duff?” Translation: “How do you make wheat flour and tough dough”.
31. During a shower party for my friend, the married women were giving tips on the do’s & dont’s of sexual intercourse, when the bride asked: “Hindi ba kasama yung betlog sa pinapasok?”
32. Melanie Marquez: “Ang tatay ko lang ang only living legend na buhay pa.”
33. An office staff member borrowing a cellphone charger from me, "Sir, may charger ka po ba ng Smart?"
34. An officemate orders her lunch and said "Ate isa nga pong eggsilog". Bonus, she also spells Mississippi as m-i-c-c-p-p-i.
35. A friend of mine once said to the one he said he adores, "Pag nakikita kita, gustong-gusto kitang bilhan ng teddy bear na hippo."
So, what's your story?
#1 by BlackDogg on February 23, 2010 - 2:16 PM
its my friend’s gf and her twin sister’s birthday and the gang was going to the party , inside the car one of my most loved friend just blurted out the most amazing question that night “ah talaga birthday ni abbie? eh kelan ang birthday ni arie?” and it made my night! hellerr! twins nga diba!
#2 by Skilz on February 23, 2010 - 2:22 PM
Hahahahaha! Parang naaalala ko yan.
#3 by Skilz on February 23, 2010 - 6:11 PM
We had a maid before and the whole family was having dinner when suddenly, the rain poured hard. My dad was aware that the windows in some of our rooms were open so he had asked our maid to check on the direction of the rain (pertaining tot the notion that the rain might be blowing through the windows). And so, our very reliable maid rushed outside to check and then rushed back again only to say, “Koya! Pababa po!”
#4 by mabel on February 23, 2010 - 9:13 PM
BEAR DOWN THIS FUNNY QUOTES I FOUND EARLIER…….1.To be in love is merely to be in a state of perpetual anesthesia – to mistake an ordinary young woman for a goddess. – Funny Love Quotes
2.There are three kinds of men who do not understand women: Young, old, and middle-aged.
3.I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
4.When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.
5.One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.
6.I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
7.The perfect love affair is one which is conducted entirely by post.
8.Once you have loved someone, you’d do anything in the world for them… except love them again. ]9.Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
10.Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener!
11.If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?
12.I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
13.Don’t let love interfere with your appetite. It never does with mine.
14.Love is like quicksilver in the hand. Leave the fingers open and it stays. Clutch it, and it darts away.
15.Do not marry a man to reform him. That is what reform schools are for.
16.The bravest thing that men do is love women. – love quotes
17.A bride at her second wedding does not wear a veil. She wants to see what she is getting.
18.A proof that experience is of no use, is that the end of one love does not prevent us from beginning another.
19.Between lovers a little confession is a dangerous thing.
20.Respectable people do not write music or make love as a career.