10. I think of you as a brother.
(You remind me of that inbred banjo geek in "Deliverance.")
9. There’s a slight difference in our ages.
(I don’t want to do my DAD.)
8. I’m not attracted to you in ‘that’ way.
(You ugly dork.)
7. My life is too complicated right now.
(I don’t want you spending the night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I’m seeing.)
6. I’ve got a boyfriend
(I prefer my male cat and 1/2 gallon Ben & Jerry’s ice cream.)
5. I don’t date men where I work.
(I wouldn’t date you if you’re in the same *solar system*, much less the same building.)
4. It’s not you, it’s me.
(It’s you.)
3. I’m concentrating on my career.
(Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)
2. I’m celibate.
(I’ve
sworn off the likes of you or I’d rather be gang raped by midgets or
I’d rather drink turpentine and piss on a brush fire or when bats fly
out of my butt.)
1. Let’s be friends.
(I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with.)
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